sentimental anna

Ang bilis ng panahon. July na pala. Parang kelan lang nung pumasok ang
taon na ito tapos eto nangangalahati na pala tayo. Parang kelan lang
din nung binalot ang pamilya namin ng sobrang lungkot. After almost 5
years of battling a Primitive Neuroectodermal tumor that metastasized
to the bone, Mama already returned to where she really belongs. This is
actually the first time that am writing about her death, kasi parang
hanggang ngayon I dont want to think that she is really gone. I’d like
to make believe that she just went on vacation sa Japan sa kapatid ko
na nandon. It had been almost 2 months now, but you see, the pain is
still there. I could still feel the pain of having to deal with
everything that day. I am the eldest among three sibling and the only
daughter. I have always been the one to decide on her medications and
everything that concerns her health. She have always given me that task
since the time I transferred her from the care of one hospital to
another. She never hesitated that I will make a right decision. Pero,
napakahirap pala na mag decide pag naiipit ka sa gitna ng dalawang
choices na parehong mahirap piliin. I ended up asking help from my
younger brothers, sabi ko kaming tatlo ang mag decide kung ipapadala
namin sya sa ICU that day. Kahit na nasa Japan ang isang kapatid ko, we
decided as one. Mahirap pumili, it’s like choosing the less evil from
two evils. But is has to be done. At exactly, 2pm of May 14, we decided
to bring her sa ICU and wait from there. That decision meant that we
are waiving our right to stay by her side, which we know na ayaw nya.
She does not want to be alone and we know that. But we cant just stare
at her and see her die in pain. Kelangan naming ibaba sya sa ICU. When
I entered the ICU room to be with her and see her condition, I talked
to her and tell her how sorry I am to let her be in that room but this
is how things should go. I informed her that the equipments in that
room cannot be transferred to her private room kaya kelangan talaga sya
ang ibaba. Well, she can no longer talk dahil sa respirator na
nakakabit sa kanya. I felt really sad seeing her so helpless. Sanay pa
naman kami na sya ang kinukunan ng lakas ng loob. I felt so sad because
she keeps on pressing my hand as if telling me that she is gonna be
okay. Pinisil nya ang kamay ko at ewan ko ba kung imagination ko lang
na parang hinihila nya ko nung magpaalam ako sa kanya na kalangan ko
nang lumabas sa kwarto nya kasi may iba pa syang bisita na gusto syang
makita. I kept on her telling her to fight and to stay longer for each
of us, for all of the dreams we haven’t fulfilled yet. Pero, God has
His way. He decided to end her life that day, the inevitable 14th of
May 2008 at exactly 10:35pm. Well, almost two months have passed but
then di ko pa rin maiwasan na maiyak as I write this down, ni hindi ko
nga maisulat ng buo ang details ng araw na yun. Mahirap. Napakahirap
mawalan ng isang Ina. The good thing is pinatapos nya muna ang mother’s
day bago sya umalis kasi alam nya siguro na mas masakit sa aming lahat
kung wala na sya nung mother’s day. She went home to her Creator
exactly 3 days after we have celebrated what we will always remember to
be her last mother’s day.

You will always be remembered, Mama. Your memories will stay long after you have gone.

What good to start a new week than by bragging about a song recorded by
my brother. Yes, the song below has my youngest brother’s voice. He did
it for a company’s event. Haynaku, tagal ko na kasi kinukulit itong
mokong na ito na mag audition sa mga singing competitions eh. Sabi ko
pa nga eh di dapat dalawa na tayong nakikita sa TV kasi I will be his
talent manager. Anyways, a good singing voice runs in the family but
then I am an exemption to that, haha! My mom and other titas used to
sing sa mga barrio competions noong mga dalagita pa lang sila sa
provincia. To which, they always bring home the bacon. Lolo trained
them and he was also their guitarist. Kaya, yes tama ang hula nyo,
videoke is a staple pag merong okasyon sa pamilya namin. At kahit
pa maging sementeryo ang puntahan namin at walang kuryente, di sila
papapigil sa videoke. Haha!, kesehodang bumangon ang mga nananahimik,
carry lang kasi talagang magaganda ang mga boses nila. Oh well, enough
with the bragging. kayo na po ang bahalang humusga sa future ng brother
ko sa singing at sana tulungan nyo ako na hikayatin sya.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

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Exactly seven years ago  we
made a vow to love and to stay as a couple till the end of time.  I
could still remember the words written on our wedding invites.  Part of
it reads, "if there will come a time after forever, i will love you
still".  We are no longer young then.  He was 29, I was 25.  Ours was
not a sweet start, though.  We have been told that it was not the right
time or we are not for each other.  A lot have been predicting we will
not stay together long but we managed to prove them wrong.  Here we are
right now seven years after.  Yes, there were times that we are having
disagreements and there are even times that one of us would like to
call it quits.  But then, love keeps us together.  Corny or crazy as it
may seem pero totoo yan.  Now
seven years after that day, we already have a five year old son who
binds as even more.  I can say I did make the right decision.  I am
sure about that.  My hubby treats me like a goddess.
He always stay at my side even at times that I am not easy to deal
with.  He reaffirms my belief that even in this times of separations
and annulments, there is still a thing called marital bliss.  It so
happy to wake up in the morning beside a person who makes you feel
special.  It feels great knowing that whatever happens you will never
be alone.  Seven years after that day, with a son in tow, I would say I
will want to have seven more seven years with you, dada!  Happy 7th
year anniversary!  I hope you will always stay the same, I love you! 

"Thank you for the love you gave to me…" so goes the graduation song of my little boy.  Well, little no more.  He is no longer the little boy I cuddle and carry in my arms.  Wait, he is just about to turn six this August but as early as now, I can feel his independence.  I can feel that a time will come that he will have to go on his own.  Kaya for the time being I will linger the times he embraces me and he makes his naughty little ways to get what he wants because I know I will miss this soon.

If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don’t have it, no matter what else there is, it’s not enough. -Ann Landers

It was one of those nights that Dada and Jian was still up when I got home from work, it was around 1am. The very first thing that went out of my tired mind was to ask my kid why he hasn’t slept yet, eh madaling araw na? To my awe, he answered,"Eh antay ka namin ni Dada eh, miss na kasi kita!". Oh well, he got me there. Tired as I was, I went on my usual before-going-to-bed routines. I can hear them talk and talk about what Jian did in school for that day. When all of a sudden, Jian bursted to Dada, "Basta, Dada ayoko mag abroad ka!" and the rest of the conversation goes like this

Dada: And why?
Jian: Eh kasi hindi na tayo magkakausap.
Dada: Tatawag ako everyday.
Jian: Eh, di ba mahal yun?
Dada: Basta, tatawag pa rin ako everyday.
Jian: Eh hindi naman kita makikita?
Dada: Sa computer makikita mo ko, papakabit tayo ng broadband.
Jian: Eh hindi naman kita mae embrace.
Dada: ‘Di yakapin mo ko sa computer.
Jian: Eh, hindi naman kita mararamdaman dun eh.

This is where I butt in the conversation and told Jian how tired Mama was and asked him to massage my back. Effective naman nakalimutan nya for a while na mag aabroad si Dada.

I have been tagged by Issa to share seven random things about myself. Hmm, it took me a week to finally finish the list.

Instructions: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. I love the smell of newly mown grass. Haha! My husband would always laugh at me when I say that. He would tell me "dati ka kasing kabayo kaya favorite scent mo yan!". It reminds me of life in the farm. Ang buhay na mapayapa at matiwasay. I would love to have a farm of my own pagdating ng panahon. I would like to wake up smelling those newly mown grass.

2. I have a huge passion for food. I know this does not show in my body. (Buti na lang! **big smile**) But believe me, I love food, either consuming it or making it. I look forward to my restdays because that is the only time I can whip up something in the kitchen and dine with my family ( na hindi ako nagmamadali dahil male late na kami ni Jian.) It’s funny because my hubby share the same kind of passion for food. I could still remember na nung magboyfriends pa lang kami, we even went to as far as Marikina dahil sabi nandon daw ung isa sa best halo halo in the country. Basta,pag may narinig kami na bagong kainan, either high end resto or turo-turo , na masarap daw ang luto, go kami dun.

3. When my husband first visited me in our house 12 years ago (read:kakikilala pa lang namin nun!), he saw a picture of me during my 18th birthday. He just can’t help but ask about my "sister" then. He even told me he’d like to court my sister. Huh! up till today pag nakikita nya yung pic na yun di pa rin sya maniwala na ako at ang babaeng yun ay iisa.

4. I took two swimming class for PE in college but never got to know how to swim in waters deeper than how tall I am. Hehe, good thing though my professors pass me in their class. (hmm, maybe because they don’t want to see me anymore for the next semester.) But my family always loved going to resorts during summertime. My baby is such a swim buff and hubby is a good swimmer as well. I still wish to learn how to really swim. Well, siguro I will have to wait na lang na si Jian na ang maging instructor ko sa paglangoy.

5. I love reading books on soulmates and reincarnations. I definitely would like to have a regress session with the great Jaime Lichauco but when I found out it will cost me a half month’s salary, I decided I will just have to wonder all my life about all my other past lives. * wink *

6. I have a scar on my left chin that I got five years ago. I got dizzy while taking a bath (i could still remember the date was December 2, 2001). I slipped inside the bath and fell down face first or should I say chin first. I shouted for help and had to strive getting up even if I am dizzy because they could not open the door since I barreled-locked it. From that day onwards my husband imposed the rule in the house that I should never lock the door of the bathroom while I take my bath. Oh, and before I forgot that was the time we came to know I was pregnant and hence the reason for the dizziness.

7. I drink more than 8 glasses of water in a day ( or maybe twice the number pa!). And mind you, this does not include those other fluids that I take. Yes, If there will be contest on the most number of glasses of water guzzled up in a day, I will have an edge over other contestants. I never drink other fluids (coffee, teas, juices,sodas ) without following them up with another glass of water.

So there goes my seven random things. I hope this give you a glimpse of my personality (?). Now, I am tagging Jeffklein,Melchor, Mama Ross, Barbie, Carolynn,Racquel and Albert. Hope you guys will have the time to share 7 wonderful-things-to-know about you.

It was a Sunday and as all other Sundays I was so excited to go home since the following two days will be my restdays ( I worked in a call center and our restdays are not sychronized to the normal weekends of other offices especially since the account that I am taking calls for is open 24/7). I was pretty much upset during my last break when I called home and heard the news from my husband that Jian is sick. (plus the fact that my inlaws are there,again!) If only I could be like Darna and fly my way back home but I couldn’t. So I crawled my way back home (kumbakit naman ang Edsa lalong mas matraffic pag nagmamadali kang umuwi). At last I was home at around 2am. The first thing that I did was to check for my son’s temperature. It registered 39.8. I would like to rush him to the hospital right then and there. You see, he had dengue July last year. And I don’t want him to get the same disease again.( It pains me seeing him being pricked almost every hour for them to check for platelet count and all the stuff). Hence, the worry. I immediately called our healthcard provider and checked on the earliest time that a pediatric doctor will be available on the nearest affiliated hospital. I was frustrated to find out that the earliest time will be 1pm pa. But will have to be content with that (because I dont want my kid to travel to a farther hospital that has a pediatric doctor at aorund 9am).

Monday Afternoon. It was 130pm when we arrived at Our Lady of Fatima Hospital. We have to drop by the Admissions department as they were the ones who process health card patients. At 2pm we were at the doorstep of the pediatrician’s clinic. We waited for 30 minutes but it seems like forever. My kid is starting to become irritable. I went down to ask for other pedia doctors to check my son but got frustrated that they are not available since a conference of sort is being held somewhere. The last pediatrician stepped out of the hospital at 1:30pm. So, we have to went to another hospital because I don’t want other doctors to address my kid’s health. We immediately went to the other nearest hospital and found out that there was no pediatrician still. We have to be content with a general practitioner at that time. My husband told me na sige na kesa walang mag check up sa bata. My kid was taken his vitals; temperature,pulse rate and he also checked his throat for some soreness. He ordered a complete blood count (CBC) with platelet count and urine analysis. The one thing I dreaded: seeing my son being pricked. So, I called on my husband and have him accompany the kid at the laboratory. To cut it short,syempre iyakan blues after the pricking. After an hour the result was out and thank God it was not dengue but just mild urinary tract infection. He was given antibiotics and paracetamol for the fever. We then decided to go to SM Hypermarket since we are also running out of grocery supplies back home.

Tuesday Night. Jian is feverish again. His temp is registering from 39.8 to a high 41.2. I would like to rush him to the hospital that night but contented myself with just being awake and wiping him with towels soaked in cold water to lower the fever. With all the work done that day, plastado po ang dada namin. So I decided not to have him worry much at pinabayaan ko muna sya mag rest. Wednesday Morning. At 9am, we are off to Our LAdy of Fatima’s Emergency Room. Jian does not look weak though he does not have his usual appetite (na pedeng icompare sa isang sundalong pagod from battle!) There he was again pricked to check for platelet count. Ang sigaw ng Jian while being pricked,"Ayoko na sa inyong mga doktor, ayoko nang matusok ulit." He was panicking that four persons struggled to handle him while being pricked by the pretty medtech from Fatima. Grabe, I know he was strong but never did I imagined that he was that strong. After what seems like hours of struggle, natapos din ang blood extraction. What did not stop was the crying. He was holding onto me and telling me na wag na ulit pabayaan ang mga doctors to take his blood again. He was then diagnosed to have tonsilitis. Doctors say that is the reason for the high fever and the lose of appetite.

Fast forward,two days after. Today is friday. Magaling na po si Jian at ako naman po ang nakakaramdam ng pagod na mukhang mapupunta sa pagkakasakit.(Wag naman po sana!)